Rules of Love; Recognize The Signs

So recently, I stumbled across a book called Rules of Love by Richard Templar. I don't normally blog about books but this book is really cool. In this book, there are basically rules of relationships, or when you're looking for someone to be in a relationship etc. It's not rules that the author came up with but like he says in the books, they are more of reminders. They are things that we tend to forget when we are in a relationship and I agree to everything he says so far. 

Also, because Valentine's Day is around the corner and guys always seem to show extreme affection of love towards their partners only on the 14th of February. What happened to the rest of the 364 days? Not special enough to show love? Pfft. Please, everyday should be a special one because you have him/her to spend the days with. 

Anyways, in the book, Rule #26 says "Recognize the Signs". What does this mean?

He gives this scenario about this couple. The lady says things like, "Oh he doesn't show me that he loves me enough." Then the guy replies, "No I do, how about the coffee I make for you every morning? What about that time I washed your car?" She replies, "That's not romantic, those are just favors" He then replies, "Why the hell do you think do I do it for?"

Do you realize what this scenario is trying to say? The scenario above may be a bit sexist but don't worry girls, I'll even it out. Let's start with the females shall we?

Okay, females, let me get something straight. Your man does not need to buy you flowers or chocolates or do something romantic for you at random times to show that he loves you. Just cause he does not do all these things, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you right? Maybe the little things he does like, walking you back from class, taking your bag for you (without you asking him to), helping you with something (again, without you asking), letting you vent out your moodiness on them especially when you're on your period etc. You need to realize that maybe through all these things he does, it's his own way of showing you love. Don't expect him to constantly get you flowers and whatever okay? Okay la, guys, you should maybe do that once in a blue moon because it can really melt a girl's heart but anyway, girls, appreciate all these little things alright? It is just a reminder to all of you ladies that, getting romantic surprises isn't the only way love can be shown.

Okay males, spotlight's on you now. Honestly, when your girl goes out with you, you know how sometimes she takes awhile to get dress and shit then you complain, "Why is she taking so freaking long", complain, complain, complain. Have you ever thought for a second that she's purposely dressing up for you? She wants to look good for you, impress you, be sexy for you or whatever. She's putting effort into her dressing (because to us girls it's just more important to us then to guys) because of you, maybe that tinge of lipstick might attract your attention. Maybe she's trying to be slim for you so that you can be proud of her when you walk hand-in-hand with her yes? You may think, "Oh baby, you don't need to do all of that. I love you for who you are" blah, blah, blah. True, but I guess she's just using one of the ways to show you that she loves you and all. So guys, maybe compliment her sometimes and she'll be happy that you notice.

Y,a'll get the point now? Your partner does not need to tell you that he/she loves you 500 times a day, and yeah guys, please for the love of God, do not overuse that word. People are throwing the word around and it's already losing it's meaning. Instead of complaining, we should be grateful for the little things they do for you. They do it because they love you, am I right? If not why the hell would they put in effort? Exactly. It may also be the littlest things they do, to show that they love you.

With love, k

x

My definition of love.

This is so cool dammit.

So hello there. I know I haven't been filling my personal blog lately because its either I have too much things to talk about or I just have nothing to say. My life in 20015 started out great and something happened just recently so I'll touch on that in this post.

Love is "Drive safely". 

Love is "Tell me when you get home safe". 

Love is respecting each other by saying please and thank you. 

Love is opening the door for her. 

Love is understanding each other. 

Love is holding each others' hands when you're out for a walk. 

Love is being there for one another.

Love is telling her how beautiful she is when she's at her worst.

Love is telling him how brave he is when he has to face his fears.

I've realized that many people don't have long lasting relationships because they don't "work out" (That's what they call it nowadays). We'll see it all on Twitter and Instagram with really sweet and beautiful couple pictures that just makes you go "Awww, I want a relationship like that." Then we all make it our "#relationshipgoals". Well guess what people? That picture does not show their relationship's journey.

We see pictures like that and so when we actually get into it, we would expect the same. Now, that's where you are oh-so-wrong. You realized that when you get into a relationship, it's not all sweet and happy, where you two hold hands and skip around the grassy meadow filled with butterflies. No. To get to that grassy meadow, you gotta go through shit first because that's how it is. Don't just get into a relationship and expect to be happy right away. That's not how it works. If you want to get into a relationship just so you can post happy couple pictures then you have some serious thinking to do and mature up.

If you wanna get into a relationship, first, you gotta be ready to commit because it ain't all about you anymore. You're sharing your life with someone else. You have to be ready for heartbreaks, getting angry, arguments, crying and whatever else that goes on in relationships. I'm not trying to scare you and tell you not to get into relationships. It's just part of getting into one. It is how it is, one big huge package of Korean drama with a pinch of Chinese drama and a teaspoon of English dramas.

So yeah, try sweeping all your problems under the carpet just so you can avoid arguing and "be happy". At some point in your relationship, believe me when I tell you this, you'll be so sick of pretending to be happy. Your problems won't fit under the carpet no more and either one of you are going to burst.

You can say I'm really old -fashioned but when I get into relationships it's because I think that person has the potential to be my spouse and so I try my best with my partner to work towards that "goal". No, I'm thinking far ahead, I'm just working our relationship towards something. But if you know that you're gonna break up with that person anyway, seriously, why bother getting into a relationship in the first place? You're gonna waste your time,effort, money blah blah. Also, if you realize that you can no longer be happy with your partner, call the relationship off. No point dragging it because you're afraid to hurt him/her. Dragging the relationship is just going to make things worst and more painful, so do you and your partner a favor and just leave. It's all for the better but of course, give it another chance before you decide that. 

What I'm basically trying to say is that, if you're going to get into a relationship and want to be happy.You have to work for it. It's like how when you do a sport and you want to earn a skill, you have to do shit loads of strength work and fixing your technique to achieve that skill. It's a painful journey but most of the time it's worth it. Relationships aren't scary like what normally people would think. It's "scary" because they're afraid of hurting people and getting hurt themselves. Let me tell you that, "hurt" is inevitable, unavoidable or any other synonym that relates which is why usually many partners cannot confront each other which is very bad. It's part of being in a relationship, you take it or you leave it. *shrugs* I wouldn't say relationships are a burden, I think it has changed me for the better and I've learnt a lot through experience. And nope, I do not regret anything.

Also, before you get into a relationship, the attraction and feelings for each other has to be mutual. Too much or too little feelings is bad. And when I say attraction, I mean as in physical and mentally attracted to that person. If you're only attracted to them on one aspect, for example, physical it wouldn't last very long. Last year, I was mentally attracted to this guy; he was smart, unpredictable and exciting. Being really attracted to him, mentally, made me overlook his physical flaws. So trust me when I say, being in love can really make you blind. 

There's always pros and cons for everything, it's just which side are you going to fight for with your heart? And one more very important thing, if you cannot be happy on your own, don't expect relationships to make you happy. No one is in charge of your own happiness except you. So if you cannot be happy on your own, don't you dare get into a relationship because it'll end up becoming a huge ass mess. I know right, why the hell are you taking advice from a 19 year old girl? What does she know about love? Haha. It's true, love is a huge word, it can mean anything to anyone but I'm just sharing this from experience. Accept love and share the love. Love makes us human So make love, not war. ;)

yours truly, k