The 5 Times We Put Fears in Place of Emotions.

So many things in life are labeled strange, abnormal or scary. Would we look at things the way we do if society hadn’t marked them that way? Or are our fears just our mental insecurities, manifesting themselves into things we’ve been told are acceptable?

1. Ghosts. We breathe easy knowing we’re in the safety of our own home. Confined within walls, behind a deadbolt, with 9-1-1 on speed dial. Ghosts take that security and leave us helpless. To be in the presence of a ghost is the all too familiar feeling of being trapped within ourselves, with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. The mere idea of being powerless, is enough to break us down.

2. Spiders. (my kind of nightmare)
Although many spiders are less dangerous then a bear, we’re quicker to scream, “ew”, than “aw”.  We fear the unknown and we hate the idea of living amongst something so different then us. It’s not surprising that we hate spiders, as we’re guilty of looking at everyone ‘different’ then us as though they have eight legs.

3. Needles. We hate sitting in the doctor’s office. Tapping our foot and waiting for a nurse to register our flu shot. Just before the needle goes in, we grow anxious. We wait for the sting, knowing it’s coming and knowing it’s not worth the stress. We torture ourselves in the final seconds as anticipation has the ability to be one of our most agonizing experiences.

4. Heights. With heights comes trust. We have to trust that we won’t fall, we won’t lose our step, we won’t end up victim to a push. The idea of our fate being out of our control is unacceptable. The idea of making a mistake or a misstep that ends in more then a scrapped knee is overwhelming. One of our greatest comforts in life is knowing there’s a way to get back up after a fall.

5. Dark. Nothing tightens our breath or sends chills down our spine like the idea of walking through a dark forest, alone. We know it’s full of trees and timid squirrels, but we know that’s beneath the sunlight. The night tells a different story. The night is dark, and quiet, and unknown. We hate when we have to trust that there’s nothing looking to harm us for we know very well, there are times when the strength of our mind and the strength of our legs, simply won’t be enough.

Hiheyhohello, people who are actually reading this.
Sometimes it dumbfounds me that people
actually read what I write.
Or maybe they don't.
Oh wells, their lost. ;)
Had a pretty busy busy week.
Dying for a breakkkk.
Have a great weekend guys!

with love, k
xoxo

Insecurity is everyone's weakness

Well recently, I realize its pretty easy to manipulate a girl's self-esteem. If they come across pictures of really stunning and slim girls, you know the usual reaction is, damn, I wanna be like her. I admit right now that I have been through that. I'll be thinking, she's beautiful, creative, slim, smart, talented, her fashion sense, she's cool and the list goes on and on. I would even reach a point where I'd daydream about what it'd be like to be her.

There's a fine line between trying to be exactly like someone and using them as an inspiration or motivation. These are two different things and some people go beyond that. Sooner or later, I realized how that wrong was. Maybe not wrong but, we try too hard to be like someone else but we most likely will never be. No matter how hard we try to be someone else, in the end, we still end up being ourselves. We cannot change who we are and you can't pretend to be someone else forever. You should be surrounded by people who will love and appreciate you for you and not because you were trying to be like another guy/girl. It's in you and if you're like that, you are like that. Everyone is different in every way and we cannot escape that. We cannot change but we can improve on who we are. There will always be room for improvement.

So if you see someone you wanna be like, don't try to be exactly like them. Make them your inspiration to become a better person and not demotivate you. I figure that's one of the things people mistake for. Don't let anyone or anything demotivate you or change who you are. That's just not healthy. Each of us has something that everyone wants but we can't have everything, can we? We are all blessed with something good. Well, unless you are a homeless person but then how did you end up at my blog anyway?ha ha ha. lame. But if you feel like you aren't blessed with something then that is where you are wrong. You just don't know how to see the more positive and brighter side of things. 

So, ladies and gentleman, I've learnt my lesson. Have you learnt yours? Don't try so hard to be like someone else because we'll end up reverting back to our original self. Be yourself and if other people can't accept you for you then screw them. Why would you want to be surrounded by people who wouldn't love you for you anyway. Be yourself but a good one, not a bad one. I hope you all understand what I'm saying.

Yes, everyone has insecurities, even people with huge ass egos. We all have a part of us we don't like, or we get teased about it and stuff. Then maybe we start complaining to our loved ones, or friends or whoever you tell your shit to. I do complain about my insecurities now and then and I'm still not over it. Not completely anyways. It's freaking hard to get over your insecurity, I understand but you cannot let it consume you. Let's say if I were to complain to my friend about my insecurities everyday, it get's annoying doesn't it? My friend will try to console me, I feel better but then I revert back to complaining about it again. At the end of the day, it is NOT your insecurity that will push your friend away but you COMPLAINING about it will be the one pushing them away. Because your friend can't take your whining shit anymore, that's why. Think about it, if your friend didn't like your insecurity, he/she wouldn't even be with/friends you in the first place, amen? Amen. He/She would probably love your insecurity the most. So there, that's one reason for you to stop complaining about it.

How about maybe that one insecurity defines you. Maybe that's not how you define yourself but maybe other people do and it doesn't always have to be a bad thing right? Maybe other people will like your insecurity, maybe that's their favorite part of you. You never know. One day, there will be someone you will love you for you, yes you, your imperfections, flaws, insecurities etc etc. You come in a package, and if they refuse to accept any part of you then that's their loss.

We all want something we don't have. That's life. We can't have everything can we? Well, even if we do have everything we want, do you think we'll be permanently happy? No, right? See? There's always a part of you, you can be happy about. Don't say you don't have because that is a big ass lie. I'm learning how to slowly get over it myself and complain less about it. Accept compliments. It's okay to be insecure, it's what makes us human. I guess many people think it's wrong to have insecurities, well, it's not. It makes you, you. Don't ever forget. 

Now give your self-esteem a +1! ;)

Thank you for reading you kind soul. Bless you. *Sprinkles holy water*
I'm sorry, a little hyped up now hahhahahah. 

With love, k

There’s always a sliver of positivity in the darkest of times if you just look for it.

Getting shoved into lockers and pushed on the ground is not fun at all. After getting told five days on seven that you're fat, worthless and ugly, you eventually start to believe it. If everyone keeps repeating it, it must be true, right?

  For Grachel Patel, being bullied at school and going home to an empty house at the end of the day is a daily occurrence. 

  The jocks, the cheerleaders, and everyone at school pick on her because she's different. She wears mostly black because it matches her mood. She wears long sleeves even in the summer to hide her scars on her wrist and avoid drawing more attention to her. She doesn't talk. No, she's not mute; she just doesn't talk because what's the point in talking if nobody listens to you? She has already tried to tell them to stop, when they first started harassing her, but they wouldn't stop no matter how much she pleaded. Who knew high schools students could be so cruel, so heartless?

  

  At home, it wasn't much better. She would come home to a cold, unfriendly house where the only thing she could hear was her own footsteps against the wooden floorboards. After her parents died in a car crash three years ago, she went to live with her aunt. Thing is, her aunt was very close to her mother, so she took it hard as well. She immersed herself deeply into her work; therefore leaving her niece alone in this big house most of the time. She would leave early in the morning and come back very late at night, so they hardly saw each other, much less spoke. 

  The only good thing about being alone was that Grachel could finally have a moment to sort out her jumbled thoughts without being scared of someone hurting her physically or emotionally. 

  She didn't understand why these people liked to hurt her. Was it really because she was too fat? No matter how little she ate and how much weight she lost, they still insulted her with their hurtful words. Was it because she didn't have friends? She used to have a best friend, but then that so-called best friend ditched her once she became an outcast because of how she dressed. Now the girl that she had once called her sister from another mister was part of the group of people who terrorized her non-stop. What hurt the most was that her ex-friend knew all her weaknesses and used them against her. 

  She felt numb. She had often wished that she could be invisible. Then the torture would stop. Why couldn't they just ignore her if she was so ugly to look at? She had never done anything to them, so why were they doing this to her? Did she deserve all this pain because she was such a freak?

Slash.

  She welcomed the pain. At least this pain, she could control. It was the only thing in her life she had power over. 

Slash.

  She missed her parents so much.

Slash.

  She missed her best friend, even though she turned out to be a backstabbing b****

Slash.

  She missed the days when she felt so alive and carefree. 

  As she watched all the blood flow down her arm and onto her carpet, she made her way to the bathroom to clean up her mess. That's going to leave a stain, she thought dully.

  Crying herself to sleep, her last thought was 'Let's hope I can make it through another day of Hell tomorrow.'

  She wasn't living; she was merely surviving. 

  School was painful as always. However, today was worse than the other days. Her tormentors were in a bitter mood because they had lost their game last night against a rival school; thus, they took out their anger on a defenseless Grachel. How was it fair? There were at least ten of them and she was alone. They kicked, punched, called her names, spit on her, laughed at her. She stayed silent the entire time, just waiting until this nightmare ended. She tried not to show any pain or emotion for that matter. Her pain just encouraged them; she had learn that the first time.

  Where were the teachers when you needed them? On her own, she couldn't tell any adults because it would only make it worse. She had tried once, but somehow they had known her intentions and made sure she wouldn't ever think about telling on them again. 

  During break, she hid herself on the roof of the school. It was her only escape from reality in this hell hole. The only place where she could have peace without all the degrading and condescending stares and whispers that followed her everywhere. From the roof, you could see the school's lovely garden. It calmed her. 

  She knew right away that she wasn't the only one there. She could hear the other person's footsteps, but she didn't turn around. She kept her gaze on the garden. She knew it wasn't any of her regular aggressors because she would have recognized their steps. After three horrible years of constantly being on the lookout to avoid the inevitable bullying, she memorized the sound of their footsteps so that she would know when to expect them. She had given up on running away from them because all that did was make the punishment even worse once they caught her. They always caught her in the end. 

  When the person was standing beside her, he did something she did not expect. He held his hand out which held a pink post-it and gave it to her. She stared at it for a moment before tentatively reaching out and taking the little paper. Reading it, she couldn't believe what she was seeing. To say she was shocked would be an understatement. 

     Smile, you're beautiful. 

  Reshan, a new student, had seen this breathtaking girl walking towards the stairs that led to the roof. He wouldn't have put much thought into it except that this girl had captured his interest. She looked so empty and miserable. Her eyes held so much sadness and loneliness that pierced a hole through his heart. How could one person seem so... so broken? he thought. He didn't know why, but he really wanted to make her smile. Even with all the dark emotions that emanated from her, she still radiated beauty and gentleness. He didn't know her, but he could tell that this girl had a big heart. 

  Racking his brain for a way that could make her darkness go away even for just a little while, he soon had an idea. He wrote what he wanted her to read on a little pink post-it because girls like pink, right? After joining her on the roof, he gave her his message. He had hoped that she wouldn't find him too cheesy or anything. 

  When she read it, she froze. He didn't know if it was a good sign or a bad sign, so he quickly rushed out, "It's for when you're feeling down, you can take it out and read it again and again until you smile. I just thought that you should know that you're beautiful."

  This earned him a small smile from the gorgeous girl beside him. His breath caught in his throat. Her smile, even if it was tiny, was blinding. She was even more magnificent when she smiled. He was extremely happy that he was the reason behind that smile. 

  Beautiful. The last person who had called her that was her now deceased father. At first, she thought the boy was mocking her. However, after seeing the sincere expression that he wore when he talked to her, she couldn't help but believe his words. Without her permission, a small smile slipped onto her face. She smiled at the boy. The movement seemed so foreign. She hadn't smiled in a long time; she hadn't had any reason to until now. 

  There was a flutter in her chest. A tingly feeling overcame her. What was the word to describe it? Hope. Hope that not everyone is cruel. Hope for a new beginning. Hope for a better future. 

  Reshan didn't know it, but he did way more than just make her smile again. He gave her the strength to fight. He gave her the will to live again. 

  He hadn't known it, but when he caught Grachel on the roof just staring out, she wasn't just admiring the garden. No, she was contemplating whether or not it would matter to anyone if she just jumped. It would be so easy, to just jump and end her suffering. No more pain; just quick death. She would join her parents wherever they were. No one would miss her here; they would actually be happy she was gone. 

  With his charming smile, and sweet gesture, he showed her that she wasn't alone. 

  He saved her. 

PS: I posted my story here because quite a number of people has been asking to read it and I'm just too lazy to email to everyone so here you go. :) This made me unspeakably happy. Specially written for insecure girls out there. (and maybe some guys HAHA) 

Insecurity is everyone's weakness. 

Cheers! x