Book 2014; Page 365 of 365

So are you ready to say goodbye to 2014? Even if you're not, brace yourself because it'll be leaving anyways. 

I can't wait for 2015. Who doesn't like to start fresh? Everything that happened here in 2014, I'll gladly be leaving it behind for new things in 2015. It's already 31st of December 2014. What have I been doing for the whole 2014? It's like everything just went by in a snap. For me 2014, was not that great or not that bad but of course I have made great memories with great people and there are moments that I will never forget. Just wanna thank those who made my year so memorable! Thank you all! Love you to bits as always. <3

It's officially a New Year when the clock strikes 12am tonight, a whole new year to go through again. New moments, new experiences, new memories. Every year, people say "It's a new year, a new me" or people talk about change in their life, changes in them etc and other people say "Why not change now? Why must you wait for 2014" and things like that. Well, to me, it's like there will be a starting point for you. Yeah it's true that you don't need to wait for a new year to begin again but it's entirely up to you on how you wanna see it. Any day and anytime can always be a new beginning, it's whether you're willing to start a new beginning for yourself. I have plans that I've made for the year 2015 and I can always start now instead of waiting but I choose the beginning of 2015 as my starting point so I can have time to prepare for it. This is how it works for me but really, it's up to you. Everyday, every minute, every moment is always available for a new beginning, remember that. You just need to make your first move and one thing will lead to another.

Hopefully, 2015 will be a good year but what's life without up's and down's right? It would be extremely boring. It's like a rollercoaster going straight all the time, that kinda ride sucks. You can hope that every year is a good year but there will always be something that will pull you down for sure, so don't hope to be happy throughout the 365days of 2015. Plus that's really creepy. It's just so wrong to be happy all the time, 24/7. Just isn't natural. Anyway, I have no idea what I'm expecting for the coming year. I seriously have no idea at all, I'll have a lot of things going on though but I hope for the best. If things happen, it happens. I'm just gonna go along with it like how I did for all my years. Just make the best out of everything and try your best not to take things or people for granted because that's what 2014 has taught me and I wanna apply this lesson to my new year. All of you should too! Try to put on a positive mindset, it really helps you to be a better person as it has already done for me but of course, always try to be better than who you already are. It's a new year and a fresh start so just plan things out and write your resolutions maybe for motivation and inspiration.

I know it's not 12AM yet but HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I wish you all all the best for 2015 (: Can't wait to party tonightttt!

yours truly, k

Gone Girl; A Film Review

Gone Girl is the basic definition of, Don't judge a book by its cover. It was a movie filled with twists and turns I never saw coming. Even though the movie brought you on a gripping ride, it wasn't a strong film. As this was an adaptation of a book, director David Fincher and screenwriter Gillian Flynn (also the author of the book) follow the novel’s plot line pretty closely, but the adaptation to film brings a few surprises. Bear in mind, I have yet to read the book. I've only read the summary of it. 

The story is one of marriage, economy, troubled childhood, weakness, psychopathology, and pure evil. Evil wins, hands down. Those who rave about the film seem to miss that point completely. Why is that?

A wife disappears on the morning of the couple's fifth anniversary. The husband is a slacker, the obvious suspect. The marriage was stressed. The wife was the subject of her wealthy parents' children's books based on her falsified childhood. Loss of jobs, bad economy and deteriorating health of his parents leads them to move to husband's home town in Missouri which the wife loathes. Her disappearance becomes a media sensation and the husband is convicted by press.

But in fact, the wife had for many months planned her own "murder "in order to frame her husband. She is a psychopath of the worst, most seriously disturbed kind. The truth of this gradually unfolds to the husband and to the reader/viewer.

The wife's plan to actually kill herself is altered along the way. When she sees her husband lie so effectively and so glibly on television begging for her return, she is excited. She wants him back. She brutally kills a rescuer/benefactor, Neil Patrick Harris, completely miscast in the film. She returns home, blood-soaked, to her media-surrounded home. All those who had pronounced the husband guilty are shocked.

Her parents are relieved and grateful. But now the reader/viewer knows that she is a monster of proportions; a woman so damaged and disturbed that no one in her sphere could ever have a normal life. The husband tries to tell police she is a murderer; they say they have no proof she was not a victim of the "kidnapper" she killed.

And here is where it all goes so wrong. The wife tells the husband she is pregnant so he decides to stay with her. He tells his twin sister who is his rock and best friend that he cannot let her have his baby and raise it without him. The End!

While the husband is weak and unmotivated to achieve, and an adulterer, he is not a narcissist, not a psychopath. Wife clearly presents as both deadly narcissist and psychopath. No remotely sane person would agree to stay with a person so obviously insane, let alone to bring a child into the world to raise with that person. The ending is the most unsatisfying of any book or film in my experience. It is also unbelievable. Normal people, people within the huge range of normal, do not choose to live in a nightmare or to subject children to said nightmare. The ending obliterates all the good writing that came before.

This film, so astonishingly good until the end, is a toxic addition to our contaminated culture.

As for the acting, Rosamund Pike turns in a superb performance as Amy Dunne. Pike far outshone Affleck in this movie. She was the perfect “Amy" which I thought would be the harder character to pull off.  But Ben Affleck’s performance as Nick seemed flat to me, lacking the emotional dimension needed for a character under such an immense amount of stress.The one thing Affleck had going for him was the idea that Nick was a regular shlubb with a pretty face. Affleck has a limited acting range, but I do appreciate his work behind the camera. He is after all a director and actor with an Academy Award. This was just one aspect of the film that prevented me from fully entering into Flynn’s otherwise intriguing action mystery. A marginal script and numerous flaws in terms of realism were other features that pulled me out of Flynn’s world. One of the most distracting moments was the soundtrack by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross. In many scenes, the music was jarringly mood inappropriate. When they’re doing their job well, you don’t consciously notice them. It’s only when they fail somehow that their work intrudes on the viewer’s experience. For me, the Reznor-Ross Gone Girl soundtrack was definitely intrusive.

I found the twisted nature of their relationship and its improbability a puzzle to figure out. Can they really be the “perfect match” for one another? Could they come back together after all they put one another through?
It was fantastically spun plot with a disastrous ending.

PS: Special thanks to Nuffnang for the tickets! And thanks to WayShen for the great catch-up. :)
Was also lucky enough to bump into Dennis Yin. *mini starstruck moment*

Till next time..

Yours truly,

K

Big Bad Wolf book sale

Are you a book fanatic like me? Then I'm 100% sure you've heard of this book wonderland. 

Held annually, this is the biggest book sale ever to be organized by Bookxcess, a bookshop in Amcorp Mall (which was the first venue of Big Bad Wolf in history! I was there. ;) ) This year, the sale started on the 5th of December @ MIECC, The Mines, but some people got preview passes so they got dibs on the best books ahead of everyone else. There's every type of book that you can conceive of; from reference books on design/architecture to history books and every type of fictional and non-fictional novels. I went there on the today, 7th and I bought 5 Hardcovers, 4 paperbacks for a cheapass total of RM61! For normal book prices, a RM61 can get you a max of only 2 paperbacks. Tsktsk. Smh. 

My haul of the day. (Bottom 5 are hardcovers, top 4 paperbacks)

So I spent a total of, 3 hours checking out books and it is tiring. But never fear, there are loads of awesome food, one floor above!

 

I had a frozen yogurt ice cream at this stall for RM3. Totally mouth-watering. 

There's also mini carnival and a carousel for kids!

Was going up the escalator when I notice the guy in front of me, had a tail. Wolf in disguise? Haha.

Upon payment for books, you'll be given a super cool looking bookmark!

After the checkouts, a small bazaar is held outside for various posters and other stuff (stationary, badges etc)

Few eye catching posters. (Okay? Okay.)

One of my absolute favorites. 

If you spend above RM100, don't forget to collect a RM5 discount voucher from the Digi counter outside. You have to provide a Digi number before collecting. :)

Overall, it was awesome. The books will be able to occupy my time for awhile. Wiah I could go back for a second of third round but sadly, I don't have the time as I am traveling soon. If you're interested in getting books from the sale don't fret! It's still on until the 16th of December 2014. And it's open 24 hours! For more details check out the Big Bad Wolf website and facebook page:

http://bigbadwolfbooks.com/
https://www.facebook.com/bbwbooks

Till next time..

Yours truly, 

K

Hop Hop Cafe

Heyyo! What a day.

Had a superb one. Started off with one paper today, Anthropology. Did my paper with uncontrollable happiness. Happiness overload! Do you know the feeling where you could just answer every question (okay fine, minus one or two) and deep down inside you, you just know that its the right answer? Yeah. Anthro was exactly like that.

Moving on to the main topic, had an impromptu mini adventure to Hop Hop Cafe in SS18!

Okay, if you have a soft spot for bunnies, this is the place for you, just like it was for me. :') When I first entered, I was literally overwhelmed with excitement. I've been wanting to come here ever since I heard about it so special thanks to Fiona and Brian. :)

 The interior is kept simple on the inside, with cement flooring and a brick coffee bar. The bunny living quarters is separated from the dining area by glass windows, fully carpeted with artificial grass.

There are designated time for these bunnies to take some nap from the long hours of entertaining guests. Resting time for these bunnies are 12 - 1 pm, 3 - 4 pm, and 6 - 7 pm. Thus, let these adorables rest during these hours and take the time to munch on some Hop Hop Cafe's servings.

Also if you're good at art, draw them some artwork and it just might get displayed!

Hop Hop Cafe is an animal friendly cafe, which means not only bunnies are welcomed here! Patrons are allowed to bring their pets here to hangout with other canine or feline friends in the animal visiting zone, located at the entrance of the cafe. 

So take a day off one day, bring your own pet if you have any, and drop by for an amazing experience!

Unfortunately, me and my mates were short on time so we didn't get to try the food. So this gives me an excuse to go back there. But hey, we don't need an excuse to go there now, do we? 

Hop Hop Cafe

7, Jalan SS18/6, 

47500 Subang Jaya,

Selangor Darul Ehsan,

Malaysia.

Tel: +6 03-7731 1400

Email: smile@thegrumpycyclist.com

Facebook: @Hop Hop Cafe

Instagram: #hophopcafe

Operating Hours:

Monday - Thursday : 10.00 am ~ 10.00 pm

Friday - Saturday : 10.00 am ~ 11.00 pm

Sunday : 10.00 am ~ 10.00 pm

I hope you guys had a great day too. :) That's all for now. Thanks for reading. Goodnights. x
PS: If you go into the rabbit area, don't let them chew any or your belongings! My purse almost disappeared down a bunny's throat. Exaggeration level 99 but you know what I mean. 

Motivational speech. For you & me.

So lately I've been at home, at various places; stairs, bedroom, study table, garden, etc, trying to cramp loads of shit words into my head. And as the day goes by, my motivation is slowly draining away. And I know I'm not the only unlucky person, thank god, to go through this so if you’re in desperate need of some motivation, we’re going to fix that problem, right here, right now.

Prepare yourself.

WARNING: I’m going to swear and yell a little in this post.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

You said you needed motivation. I’m going to do what needs to be done to get your ass in gear. NO EXCUSES.

If this isn’t the kind of motivation you need, leave now. You’ve been warned.

Alright.

Here goes.

Do you want some motherfucking motivation right now?

I SAID, do you want some MOTHERFUCKING MOTIVATION RIGHT NOW?

Do you want to get some seriously useful shit done today?

Do you want to get off your ass and start producing instead of wallowing in despair, depression, self pity, fear, doubt or whatever is holding you back?

Are you sick of not getting anything done?

Let’s DO THIS.

The point of this exercise is to give you motivation to do something right now. Don’t just absorb this and continue sitting around procrastinating.

TAKE ACTION.

Follow the steps below carefully.

1. Quit bitching about how tired you are.
The world doesn’t care.

And if you’re feeling depressed or down, stop feeling sorry for yourself while you’re at it. It doesn’t matter.

We all face obstacles. How you deal with those obstacles defines who you are and determines how successful you are in life.

Did you catch that? It was the secret to life. Seriously.

Let me say it again.

We all face obstacles. How you deal with those obstacles defines who you are and determines how successful you are in life.

Period. End of story.

2. Read the quotes below. If you have a favorite quote or two you always refer to, read that too.

Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75. – Benjamin Franklin

Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t. – Richard Bach

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. – Steve Jobs

3. If you haven’t eaten something, eat a little snack now.

For god’s sake don’t eat a fucking chocolate or some other junk food.

Eat something healthy. Eat some nuts or fruit. Take your vitamins.

4. Do one of the following three things:
A) Take a shower, OR

B) Go for a brisk walk, OR

C) Call the friend who most lifts you up and makes you feel great after every conversation. Tell him or her that you need a little pep talk. Put a 10 minute limit on the conversation.

5. If you’re around people right now, go tell one of them how much you appreciate him or her.

Just say, “hey, I wanted to tell you that I appreciate you because…”

If you’re not around people, think about something or someone you’re grateful for. Go over the reasons you’re grateful in your mind.

Gratitude is happiness. Happiness is motivating. Be grateful more often by thinking about who and what you’re happy for, or by telling someone.

6. If you normally sit down to work, stand up.

Standing up to work is motivating. It gets the blood flowing.

7. THIS IS IMPORTANT! Turn off email, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and whatever other social procrastination network you’re part of.
Turn off the TV if it’s on.

Seriously, TURN THEM OFF.

8. Now put on some hype music on your playlist.

Play something that gets you jacked and hyped up. But don't end up forgeting your task.

Hint: try the playlist you use at the gym.

(If you don’t regularly go to the gym or workout otherwise, start doing that tomorrow. You have to be healthy to stay motivated.)

9. List the top 3 positive outcomes of achieving your task.
Think about what you’re planning to accomplish today.

Don’t worry about everything that’s holding you back from accomplishing it. Instead, focus on the positive things that will happen once you get it done.

For example, if you have homework to do, your list might look like this:

1) I’ll learn something useful.
2) I’ll make myself and my teacher proud of what I accomplished.
3) I’ll get closer to achieving a good grade in the class so I can graduate and move on to doing what I’m really meant to do in life.

Write down the three things. Don’t skip this part. Make sure you focus on the 3 most important outcomes.

10. Think about the part of doing this task that you enjoy.
Most tasks have some enjoyable component to them.

Focus on what you like about what you have to do, no matter how simple or how small. Enjoy the very act of doing your task for what it’s worth.

11. Now here’s the most important part.
Lock yourself in a room with the thing you need to be doing.

Don’t leave until you make some progress.

Put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, or axe to the grindstone.

Stop looking for external motivation. Stop letting yourself procrastinate.

Start going through the motions of making progress. At first it might feel forced, but eventually you’ll get in the groove.

What to do if all of the above didn’t work.

We all have things to do that we really just don’t want to do, but have to for some reason. These are the toughest to find motivation for.

For these especially difficult situations, I recommend two things.

First, question whether or not this thing really needs to be done.

What are the consequences of not doing it? Can you live with the consequences? Is there any way to not do this thing?

Then, if you still conclude that this thing absolutely has to get done, focus on simply getting past it.

Imagine the relief of not having this thing on your plate anymore.

How will that make you feel?

Dig deep. See how quickly you can possibly do this thing.

Do it now and move on to stuff you really want to do.

I feel so motivated to study now after ranting a little. And jumping like a mad bunny while i was at it.
Thanks for reading. Now go get your important stuff done.

Yours truly,
K

28th November 2014

Today was a good day.

Started off with the fact that today was the first day this week that I got to sleep in. Hallelujah. Then I had cheese cake for breakfast to top it off. Hah! Also managed to read though a couple of chapters for my finals next week before heading off to college. Socio is such a pain in the ass. Love Anthro tho.

Finally made up with one of my bros. We've had an argument before this and a slight misunderstanding, thanks a lot WhatsApp, and we cleared the air today.

I'd like to mention something to you people and my friends who actually reads my blog, if someone means something to you don't let them find out something important, that happened in your life, last. Especially not from someone else. It should come from you and only you. Just a heads up.

Moving on, got my share of money today from Fayette House's , a club in my college, profits. From the events we organized throughout the year. FINALLY NO LONGER BROKE. 2014's members of Fayette House will no longer be the same as next year's due to some of them graduating next year. Honestly, I am going to miss them all so much. We've created so much memories and went through so much crazy stuff together, now we're like one big happy family. :')

The last lunch/outing today was amazeballs. Drove out together to Meteora Cafe, in Subang, had a great lunch and tons of laughter. Thank you Nikesh for the lunch and for everything. You're amazing, love you loads. Love the rest of you Fayette too. ❤

I also got to borrow my lecturer's textbook to study because my own textbook is the old version and its super confusing. So I'm really happy about that. Thanks Miss!

So that's a wrap for today. Have a great weekend peeps! Mwah. x

Yours truly,
K

Damsel not in distress

I am no damsel in distress.

Most women wait for their prince charming to come and rescue them from their miserable single life and offer them happily ever after. I repeat, most women. Not all.

Only those (women or men) who are not happy with their lives need rescuing. The truth is, the only person who can bring you out of your misery is yourself. No fairy godmother or magic spell can transform your pumpkin into a golden carriage (damn Cinderella and her damsel in distress drama). I am aware of that. So I know that I am no damsel in distress.

I know that I hold the power and that I have the last say as to how my ending will be.

As Mandy Hale often reminds the single, “Design a life so amazing that you don’t want to be rescued from it.”

When you are enjoying life, finding happiness in all that you do and in all the places you go to, you invite people to join you in your journey. You don’t make them take pity on you and help you out of your misery.

When you’re on top of the world, only those who are bold and courageous enough will make the effort to be with you. Only the secure and the mature will appreciate you. You become a challenge. You will discourage the complacent and the weak. You will make the insecure envious. Thus, expect a number of admirers and a few haters. You unknowingly repel toxic people. That’s a bonus!

I don’t want to be that poor naive princess who sits around (or sleeps) on her castle all day, waiting for a prince to swing by and hopefully get a glimpse of her and decide to set her free from her “prison tower”. I’d rather be out there, fighting for my kingdom, resisting evil stepmothers or witches or whomever is trying to steal my happiness away from me, protecting my people, seeing the world in all it’s majesty, actually getting a life.

I am no damsel in distress. I am not impressed by your shining armor. I can fight my own battles. You don’t have to rescue me, sweetheart, but you’re welcome to join me in my kingdom anytime. First, show me your battle scars and tell me your war story. You might be just another frog who needs rescuing. In which case, you picked the wrong princess.

Cheers! x

-KH

Girl, you're hotter than Malaysia's weather

Every relationship begins with that first step. Some people never get past that first step. (A silent moment for our brothers in the friendzone..) No matter what they tell you, first impressions matter, (I mean you don't fall in love with people's personality at first glance do you?) and our opening few lines can either energize the interaction,or cause the other person to look around for the nearest exit.

So there are 3 types of people or 3 main categories of openers; 

Direct gambitsThese are the type of people who are straightforward, know their goals and what they are trying to get. They are honest and get right to the point.E.g: "I'm sort of shy, but I'd like to get to know you"
"Hi, my name is ***. I saw you over here and knew if I didn’t introduce myself I’d be kicking myself later."
"Hi, you have a great energy about yourself so I thought I’d come up and say hi. My name is ***."

Innocuous gambits

These are type of people who try to make their intentions subtle and low-key. In other words, hiding a person's true intentions.
E.g.:  "What do you think of this band?"
"What’s good here?" -If guys are standing in line at a cafe or Starbucks and there is a cute chick in line, they tend to use lines like this. And sometimes it actually works. ;) -

Cute/flippant gambitsMostly pick-up lines which involve humor, but often in a cheesy, canned way.
E.g.: "I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?"
"Did you fart? Because you blew me away."
"I'm not staring at your boobs. I'm staring at your heart."
"You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection."
And it goes on and on and on..

 

Majority of both sexes would agree that cute/flippant pick-up lines were the least attractive. Most girls prefer innocuous lines and had a greater aversion to cute/flippant lines than men. Guys, however, have a greater preference for direct opening gambits than women. (Myself included. Haha) Receptivity to pick-up lines involves cognitive processing, which requires thought. A certain amount of mental energy is required to follow the conversation and cut through the bullcrap to figure out a person's true intentions, which is a girl's favorite thing to do; thinking and over-thinking. But your mental state at any given moment is influenced by a number of factors, including how much stress you've experienced that day, or even just before the current conversation. If you've already been hit by a barrage of cute/flippant lines, your brain may feel a bit fatigued.

 

For me, most are in fact cheesy pickup lines or perhaps at best funny. In fact, I don’t even like the term “pickup lines” because whatever you say first to a woman doesn’t matter nearly as much as the fact that you said something. Guys should just be confident and be themselves. Why try to be someone you're not?

Cheers! x

-KH

Bros before hoes, Chicks before dicks

Definitely bro-code is being more upheld. Being a girl, I know that girls can be really mean to each other some times. I've seen tons of backstabbing among girls who claimed to be best friends, yet one little thing done wrong on one person's part and she is torn apart. Also the whole jealousy and leveling thing is just ridiculous. Girls can be ridiculously critical of each other. So sick of it all. Whereas guys can be happy for their friends, some girls just cannot. It's ridiculous how some girls feel they have to compete against every other girl. I had my fair share of girl-drama in high school, enough to last me a lifetime. But its through these things that shape who I am now and also proves who my true friends are. And for that, I'm thankful.

Unwritten rules in friendships
Every relationship has some "unwritten rules" that apply. These are things that people should know instinctively, or at least learn as part of growing up and becoming an adult. The problem is, sometimes people don't know about these little tidbits, so I think it's high time the unwritten rules of friendship were written down.

My personal favorite, Don't ever date your friend's ex.
This rule applies to dating as well as friendship. If your pal went out with someone, that person is now off-limits for you. This is true for a couple of different reasons. First, you need to support your friend through their breakup. This means that when they are angry and hurt over something their ex did, you need to have their back, which includes listening to them, being empathic, and standing up for them if need be. The second thing is, when your friend is finally over their ex, it would be weird for them to see you with this person. More than that, it may bring up all those issues that your friend worked so hard to get over.

I thought it was a universal rule that good friends do not date people their friends have had any type of relationship with. When I experienced this, not only did it break my number one girl code rule, it stunned me that they were even friends. She met him as a guy I was seeing and she was my good friend once upon a time. It is one of the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Don't even call yourself a friend if you've done that. But honestly, I've forgiven that person, but it doesn't mean I've forgotten about it. 

Notify/Help with common mishaps: Having spinach caught in our teeth, our zipper accidentally undone, or the tag on our clothes sticking up, etc.

Its through these embarrassing moments you can say, “I always want to know when I have something stuck in my teeth. Do you agree?” As long as the answer is “yes,” then say, “I think you have something in yours.”  Even though I tend to feel a little uncomfortable during these situations I'll still let them know because hey, if it was me, I'd rather be told by a friend than a stranger or worst, a hot guy. Haha.

Don't ever steal your friend's friend

Isn't it awful to make friends with someone and leave out the person who brought you together in the first place? This is something that is pretty common nowadays. But these things tend to happen due to common interest, similar working life or even lifestyles. So when we are leapfrogged, perhaps we ought to look at ourselves, give our mates the benefit of the doubt and accept that it’s natural for people to gravitate towards those in similar situations. 

 

 

 

So this is written while I'm working because it's helping me keep awake. Hahhahahhahahha. So its kinda short and impromptu. But I think the only rule and the number one rule of the Bro Code is that a guy must always have his bro’s back. Right? *smirks*

Cheers! x

-KH

Dirty little secret

Everyone has a secret that they want to let out but can't. Everyone has those feelings that they want to share but can't. Everyone has that something that they want to say but are never strong enough to say them. Everyone has one of those secrets that eats you alive until you have to tell someone. Everyone has secrets, some are just bigger and dirtier than others. 

Everyone has a dirty little secret. Maybe you lost a job, maybe you didn’t graduate from college, maybe you stole something or maybe you know something you shouldn't have. I call these our dirty little secrets. Things you are ashamed of. Things that are holding you back from doing something great.

The wonderful and amazing thing about dirty little secrets:

1.We all have them.

2.Whatever our secret is– it is probably only ‘dirty’ to us.

Over the years, we have taken our secret and cultivated it. We have become experts at growing the secret and allowing it to limit us, hold us back and keep us stuck. Basically we have fine tuned the secret. The irony of it is that we assume that everyone in the world is judging us for the eating too much or getting heartbroken when in reality everyone in the world is too consumed with their own dirty little secret to judge us.

Yes, your dirty little secret might be painful and shame filled. And it deserves to be grieved, honored and moved past. We all have dirty little secrets.

So the next time you hear yourself say, “I can’t do that because I have this dirty little secret”.

Pause.

Breathe.

Ask yourself:

Is my secret REALLY that dirty?

Did I learn something in the process?

Do I have unfinished stuff from this secret; (Do I need to grieve, apologize, forgive myself for someone else?)

Am I a better person because of that secret?

Could someone learn from me if I shared it with the world?

What is this secret holding me back from?

How would my life be different if I worked on letting it go?

 

 

When it comes to me, I forgive but I don't forget. 

Cheers! x

-KH

There’s always a sliver of positivity in the darkest of times if you just look for it.

Getting shoved into lockers and pushed on the ground is not fun at all. After getting told five days on seven that you're fat, worthless and ugly, you eventually start to believe it. If everyone keeps repeating it, it must be true, right?

  For Grachel Patel, being bullied at school and going home to an empty house at the end of the day is a daily occurrence. 

  The jocks, the cheerleaders, and everyone at school pick on her because she's different. She wears mostly black because it matches her mood. She wears long sleeves even in the summer to hide her scars on her wrist and avoid drawing more attention to her. She doesn't talk. No, she's not mute; she just doesn't talk because what's the point in talking if nobody listens to you? She has already tried to tell them to stop, when they first started harassing her, but they wouldn't stop no matter how much she pleaded. Who knew high schools students could be so cruel, so heartless?

  

  At home, it wasn't much better. She would come home to a cold, unfriendly house where the only thing she could hear was her own footsteps against the wooden floorboards. After her parents died in a car crash three years ago, she went to live with her aunt. Thing is, her aunt was very close to her mother, so she took it hard as well. She immersed herself deeply into her work; therefore leaving her niece alone in this big house most of the time. She would leave early in the morning and come back very late at night, so they hardly saw each other, much less spoke. 

  The only good thing about being alone was that Grachel could finally have a moment to sort out her jumbled thoughts without being scared of someone hurting her physically or emotionally. 

  She didn't understand why these people liked to hurt her. Was it really because she was too fat? No matter how little she ate and how much weight she lost, they still insulted her with their hurtful words. Was it because she didn't have friends? She used to have a best friend, but then that so-called best friend ditched her once she became an outcast because of how she dressed. Now the girl that she had once called her sister from another mister was part of the group of people who terrorized her non-stop. What hurt the most was that her ex-friend knew all her weaknesses and used them against her. 

  She felt numb. She had often wished that she could be invisible. Then the torture would stop. Why couldn't they just ignore her if she was so ugly to look at? She had never done anything to them, so why were they doing this to her? Did she deserve all this pain because she was such a freak?

Slash.

  She welcomed the pain. At least this pain, she could control. It was the only thing in her life she had power over. 

Slash.

  She missed her parents so much.

Slash.

  She missed her best friend, even though she turned out to be a backstabbing b****

Slash.

  She missed the days when she felt so alive and carefree. 

  As she watched all the blood flow down her arm and onto her carpet, she made her way to the bathroom to clean up her mess. That's going to leave a stain, she thought dully.

  Crying herself to sleep, her last thought was 'Let's hope I can make it through another day of Hell tomorrow.'

  She wasn't living; she was merely surviving. 

  School was painful as always. However, today was worse than the other days. Her tormentors were in a bitter mood because they had lost their game last night against a rival school; thus, they took out their anger on a defenseless Grachel. How was it fair? There were at least ten of them and she was alone. They kicked, punched, called her names, spit on her, laughed at her. She stayed silent the entire time, just waiting until this nightmare ended. She tried not to show any pain or emotion for that matter. Her pain just encouraged them; she had learn that the first time.

  Where were the teachers when you needed them? On her own, she couldn't tell any adults because it would only make it worse. She had tried once, but somehow they had known her intentions and made sure she wouldn't ever think about telling on them again. 

  During break, she hid herself on the roof of the school. It was her only escape from reality in this hell hole. The only place where she could have peace without all the degrading and condescending stares and whispers that followed her everywhere. From the roof, you could see the school's lovely garden. It calmed her. 

  She knew right away that she wasn't the only one there. She could hear the other person's footsteps, but she didn't turn around. She kept her gaze on the garden. She knew it wasn't any of her regular aggressors because she would have recognized their steps. After three horrible years of constantly being on the lookout to avoid the inevitable bullying, she memorized the sound of their footsteps so that she would know when to expect them. She had given up on running away from them because all that did was make the punishment even worse once they caught her. They always caught her in the end. 

  When the person was standing beside her, he did something she did not expect. He held his hand out which held a pink post-it and gave it to her. She stared at it for a moment before tentatively reaching out and taking the little paper. Reading it, she couldn't believe what she was seeing. To say she was shocked would be an understatement. 

     Smile, you're beautiful. 

  Reshan, a new student, had seen this breathtaking girl walking towards the stairs that led to the roof. He wouldn't have put much thought into it except that this girl had captured his interest. She looked so empty and miserable. Her eyes held so much sadness and loneliness that pierced a hole through his heart. How could one person seem so... so broken? he thought. He didn't know why, but he really wanted to make her smile. Even with all the dark emotions that emanated from her, she still radiated beauty and gentleness. He didn't know her, but he could tell that this girl had a big heart. 

  Racking his brain for a way that could make her darkness go away even for just a little while, he soon had an idea. He wrote what he wanted her to read on a little pink post-it because girls like pink, right? After joining her on the roof, he gave her his message. He had hoped that she wouldn't find him too cheesy or anything. 

  When she read it, she froze. He didn't know if it was a good sign or a bad sign, so he quickly rushed out, "It's for when you're feeling down, you can take it out and read it again and again until you smile. I just thought that you should know that you're beautiful."

  This earned him a small smile from the gorgeous girl beside him. His breath caught in his throat. Her smile, even if it was tiny, was blinding. She was even more magnificent when she smiled. He was extremely happy that he was the reason behind that smile. 

  Beautiful. The last person who had called her that was her now deceased father. At first, she thought the boy was mocking her. However, after seeing the sincere expression that he wore when he talked to her, she couldn't help but believe his words. Without her permission, a small smile slipped onto her face. She smiled at the boy. The movement seemed so foreign. She hadn't smiled in a long time; she hadn't had any reason to until now. 

  There was a flutter in her chest. A tingly feeling overcame her. What was the word to describe it? Hope. Hope that not everyone is cruel. Hope for a new beginning. Hope for a better future. 

  Reshan didn't know it, but he did way more than just make her smile again. He gave her the strength to fight. He gave her the will to live again. 

  He hadn't known it, but when he caught Grachel on the roof just staring out, she wasn't just admiring the garden. No, she was contemplating whether or not it would matter to anyone if she just jumped. It would be so easy, to just jump and end her suffering. No more pain; just quick death. She would join her parents wherever they were. No one would miss her here; they would actually be happy she was gone. 

  With his charming smile, and sweet gesture, he showed her that she wasn't alone. 

  He saved her. 

PS: I posted my story here because quite a number of people has been asking to read it and I'm just too lazy to email to everyone so here you go. :) This made me unspeakably happy. Specially written for insecure girls out there. (and maybe some guys HAHA) 

Insecurity is everyone's weakness. 

Cheers! x